(Source: lawebloca, via lockermeat)

charlotte-corday:

I had a dream last night that I worked at McDonalds and I was behind the counter when this guy dressed in a tuxedo (with white dickie and tie) was snapping his fingers for a server. I went I over and he asked to see our “darkest red” and I knew he was talking about wine so I said “sir, this is McDonalds. The darkest red we have here is ketchup” and he had me pour him a glass of ketchup and he drank it while looking me directly in the eye.

(via lockermeat)

awkwardvagina:

theres only 4 months left of this year and if that doesnt freak you out then youre lying

(via lockermeat)

official-2014:

I was wearing my Gryffindor shirt while Christmas shopping and there was this cute guy in a Slytherin hat and we made eye contact and he looked me up and down and said “10 points to Gryffindor” and winked at me and normally I hate being hit on but damn boy that’s the way to do it

(via lockermeat)

nokiabae:

my biggest fear is I’m married & my husband says, “let’s cut sugar out of our diet” so I have to leave with the kids in the middle of the night

(via thegoldenqurls)

astoundly:

sometimes i think i’m sassy and then i realize i’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean

(via cocoacici)

(Source: beeishappy, via cocoacici)

bee-the-gatekeeper:

webofgoodnews:

People doing good!

A couple of these I came across randomly, but most of them were found here.

Webofgoodnews.com

Tragically beautiful… because even the littler kindnesses surprise us so much.

(via cocoacici)

itssexualhour:

My parents are both pastors and once I was fucking this one dude who’s dad was the pastor of the rival church and he whispered ‘talk biblical to me’ so i started reciting Psalms  23 and we ended up getting into a competition of who could recite the most bible versus before they cummed

(Source: itssexualhour, via cocoacici)

waakeme-up:

at 5am you either feel like you can rule the world or like you’ve just been run over by a truck there is no inbetween

Jesus

(Source: tennants-hair, via cocoacici)

girly-fanatic:

reichenbackdatassup:

wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said

"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"

then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming

100000000 points to mom.

(Source: spockdarlin, via cocoacici)

thesassycat:

thesassycat:

thesassycat:

thesassycat:

I was so sleep deprived the other day that I tried to zoom in on a paper

wtf I just made that post

oh wait that is my post

I havent slept in 2 days

(Source: thesassycat, via hollaatkylee)

drparisa:

'what is happiness to you?'

this gif of a toucan going down the stairs

image

(via hollaatkylee)